I am not a Jobberknoll!
by ParvisSira
Summary: Luna's thought on who she is. Is she really Loony Lovegood, or is she Luna.


I sit at the edge of the world, waiting for someone to notice me.  Truly notice me.

To them I am Loopy Loony Lovegood.  But they just don't see.  I am a mere bagatelle to them.  And I satisfy them.  Who would they make fun of if they didn't have me?   What ever would they do if I weren't there.  They think I'm dumb, but I was sorted into Ravenclaw.  Truth be told, I provoke them.  When I came to school I wasn't that different from your normal eleven year old.  I was a little odd then, I liked pink, I still loved my dad, and I believed in fantastical creatures.  I was a witch, how could I not?  If I could be a witch, Jobberknolls had to exist.  Most people just didn't see them, but that doesn't mean they aren't there.  I guess that is where it all started, I didn't want to be a Jobberknoll, I wanted to be noticed.  I refused to fade into the background like so many do.  

Daddy was the editor of the Quibbler, and I was put in cool logical Ravenclaw.  I think it was at the sorting that I became the basis of Loony Lovegood.  The older students all thought it was such a grand joke that I was placed in Ravenclaw.  I guessing they would have preferred me to go into any other house.  Any house but the one I was in.  They were ashamed of me.  I thought I could show them that I could be a good Ravenclaw.  Nope.  It wasn't even the end of the first week when the joke started.  The other first years, desperate to climb the Ravenclaw hierarchical scale of popularity began the series of pranks that now constitutes my daily existence. I hadn't then, and still haven't cried since my mother died.  I suppose one of those muggle therapists would find something wrong with that, but me I don't really care.  If they were going to mock me, it wouldn't be for my father, it would be for me.  And thus Loony was born.

Looking back it seems rather silly now, I should have just ignored them all together.  But I am nothing if not stubborn.  I excelled in my classes, the points I earn for my house are quickly forgotten.  But I changed.  Outwardly at least.  Occasionally I think that I should have been a Slytherin.  They are so adapt at hiding the subtle nuances of life when they want.  Yet the reason I didn't let the hat put me there was because I didn't want to be known by my house, but by myself.  So I adapted the strange necklaces and earring(transfiguration has always been so easy for me).  And as opposed to not talking about my father and my adventures I talked all about them.  I told them about everything, and they laughed.  But they remembered me.  Everyone who passed through that school remembered me.  I can go walking and see witches and wizards who were seven years my first year and they remember me.  

I am Loony Lovegood.  And I revile in it.  

I dance in the rain and pretend to not care.  I adopted an air of seeing the world differently, and you know what I do.  I see things people miss.  I see those creatures most refuse to see.  And they know me.  I pretended to not let Professor Snape bother me, and amazingly he doesn't.  Not really.  I think he gave up after a couple years.  I think he acknowledges me.  I know he will remember me.  Even at his sarcastic best, I smile benevolently.  It's quite easy to be Loony really.  If my housemates saw me during the summer I don't think they would recognize me.  The turnip earring turn back to pearls as does the necklace.  My bag is still pink but it is a softer baby pink.  My hair is combed and taken care of.  But although I loose the outward manifestations of Loony and become Luna again, I don't lose the perspective that a year as Loony brings.  

Daddy loves it, they say we are like children.  But we see the world that their minds couldn't hope to dream of.  I know I remind Daddy of mum, and I like that.  The memory that generates my Patronus is when he told me how much like her I was.  I am not a Jobberknoll, I am remembered.  Only Daddy and me remember mum.  But many people remember me.  And so what my house hates me, so what they hid my stuff.  I'm a smart girl anything truly important I hid where they can't find it.  Let them lock me out of the common room.  Mrs. Norris like me and the castle is so pretty at night.  

I like being me.  I like being Loony Lovegood.

And yet…sometimes…I wish…I wish that someone would see me.  I wish someone would notice Luna, not Loony.  For as much as I play…

  
My name is Luna Lovegood. Not Loony, not Loopy.  Luna.  

And someday I want to be Luna Lovegood.  


End file.
